One warm, sunny day, I cheerfully set out to ride my bike with my local tri buddies. I was able to keep up with them for the first couple of miles, but when they whizzed by and left me in the dust, I secretly wished for upcoming traffic lights to turn red, just to help me close the gap and save face. “Someone PLEASE tell me this will get easier!” I cried out pathetically to the oncoming traffic. A faint but reassuring voice responded, “It will. I promise. Hang in there.”

Roads of momentary desperation are familiar to most athletes and to virtually every parent who performs athletic feats of toddler chasing, child discipline, multi-tasking, and sleep-deprived decision making. The trick is to not get stuck in the quicksand of the moment. Here are a few ways to drive on and finish strong.

Use your remaining energy to preserve your sanity. As difficult as it seems, if you can look past the ugliness of the present, the Finish Line will come into view. Stop, breathe, and focus on five positive things about your life, your child, or your journey, and use those blessings to improve your attitude about the present challenge.

Refresh your perspective. A child’s tornado-like tantrum can feel like the end of the world, but in the big picture, it’s really just a momentary blip on the radar. Have faith, it will pass. Take precautionary measures to reduce the fallout by keeping your cool and remembering that you are not alone. Temper tantrums are an inevitable test of parental fortitude. Use a life line and phone a friend for help!

Don’t underestimate the abilities of your child. For months you labor in vain to teach your child to use his manners, tie his shoes, stop whining or stop interrupting. Despite your relentless efforts, it seems he will never get it right, and you’re just about to give up when, WHAMO! He executes the moves flawlessly. (Cue the resounding chorus of HALELUIAs). Many times a child’s inability to master a certain concept is not due to hard headedness, but rather young brain development. Be patient and keep planting those seeds. And be on the lookout for another sprout of maturity!

In the heat of a volcanic eruption, your goal is Damage Control. Once an outburst begins, it is usually too late to completely restore law and order, as your child has reached her breaking point and is communicating this quite clearly.  My suggestion for surviving this traumatic moment is to:  1) STAY CALM, 2) SHOW EMPATHY, and 3) FINISH YOUR SHOPPING (though quicken your pace).  First, if you do not lose your cool, drive-by shoppers will be less interested in watching you.  Second, admit to your child that this is boring, and praise her for her patience so far. Try to soothe her in a productive way. Is there a healthy snack you can give her to curb her hungries? “I bet you are hungry.  It’s past snack time.  Would you like some Cheerios or some GoldFish crackers right now?” (CAUTION: Do NOT fall into the trap of offering a bribe. Promising to buy a candy bar or toy if your child quiets down will open Pandora’s Box of Manipulative Battles for shopping trips to come!!!)  However, another safe response is to distract your little trooper by talking about the fun you will have together when you get home. 

Lastly, if these tactics do not work and the howling continues, simply finish your shopping as quickly as possible and be prepared for a possibly loud ride home.  Chances are, you overdid the morning and that ought to motivate ya to prepare differently next time. (See tips for Meltown Prevention). The good news is, thunderous meltdowns are often followed by a priceless, peaceful nap! 

“GRUMPY!” I growled back with a snarly laugh, I was trying to appear not quite as mean as I was feeling. He was taken aback: What had Dr Jekyll done with Mr Hyde? Acting so out of character, I felt I had to explain, “I haven’t been in here for 5 days, and I NEED to sweat! Gonna go take it out on the treadmill.” From there I shoved my ipod buds into my ears, took a swig of water, and stomped off in a rush to squeeze in a short but “meaningful” workout.

While the treadmill began to move, I felt guilt rise in my chest. Do you ever feel “post-anger guilt?” Well, it hits me every time. And like usual, the guilt added to my frustration. Luckily my kids were not around, as this is where I sometimes parent out of Mommy Guilt (like after I’ve yelled at them for no good reason). Parenting outta Mommy Guilt is often regrettable because it can lead to overindugence, overpermissiveness,erratic emotions and inconsistency. So, like I said, I was thankful to be alone in my irrational pity party for the moment.

Time was ticking and my new running shoes were heating up with the track’s increasing speed. But the more I thought, the more confused I became. Why should I feel guilty for feeling angry? After all, I did NOT yell at my kids this time. I wasn’t even rude to the Gym Guy! AND yesterday was a very exciting and successful day. After officially launching my Tri Parenting E-Zine and this blog, both were met with wonderful reception! But WITH all that excitement, I’m thinking I should be floating on Cloud 9 today, right? The rediculousness in that question made me feel even more insane.

By the time my 30 minute workout was over, my grumps had sweated profusely onto my shirt. I atrributed my emotional hic-up to sugar overload, unrealistic expectations, and slothlike-ness for the last 5 days. I found peace and gratitude knowing my ugly mood had actually fueled one heck of a workout, and Mr Hyde left the gym smiling.

Gym Guy seemed relieved, too. “See you tomorrow? He asked with a smile.

“You bet!” I replied, “looking forward to it already.”