Likewise, when we show our children unconditional love and empathy while allowing them to make age-appropriate mistakes and face age-appropriate consequences, the consequences become the piece they fear…not the Wrath of Mommy or Dad. If they learn to fear US, they will be tempted to avoid us, sneak around us, and rebel against words. that’s really not what we intend, is it?

The Bible is there to put us on the right course. For starters, pray each day for God to fill you with the <em>fruits of the spirit</em> (Galatians 5:29) so that you can be a disciple to your child. And memorize a few encouraging Bible verses (like John 15:7-8, Ephesians 4:29, and 1 Thessalonians 5:16). Try to say them out loud when you hit an ugly spot in your day. Or, for visual learners (like me) write them on sticky notes and stick them to your bathroom mirror. When you are able to escape for a few moments of alone time, those encouraging words will be right there to greet you.

SUPPORT your child with the basics. 1. After school, offer a healthy (low-sugar, high- protein) snack for refueling. 2. Allow 20-30 minutes of individualized “unwind time” before hitting the books. This can look different for each child. While Julie may retreat to a quiet spot alone, Jake may race off to climb trees and wildly shout at neighbors. 3.Create a study environment that matches personal learning styles. For example, prop me up on a carpeted floor in a quite room, and I can study for hours. But my son focuses best at a well-lit desk with music playing in the background.

IDENTIFY the work to be tackled. Ask your child to read and explain each assignment to you. Are the directions clear? Did the necessary books and papers make it home? Does your child need help writing down and organizing assignments? A teacher conference may be just the remedy.

MOTIVATE “Feel free to (insert favorite after-school activity here) as soon as your homework is finished,” is a golden, empowering statement. And “I’ll be happy to discuss that after you do homework,” can prevent an impending argument.

PRIORITIZE Teach your child to prioritize multiple tasks by asking leading questions. “Would you like to tackle the hardest subject first or warm up with an easier one?” “This book report is too complicated to complete in one night. How can you break it down into smaller pieces?” Write down due dates and milestones as visual reminders.

LOVE your child always, but reject inappropriate behavior. If study frustrations lead to a flaring temper, show empathy while setting clear boundaries. “I can see how frustrated you are about that tough math problem. I’ll be glad to help you as soon as you lower your voice and sit back down.”

ENCOURAGE: Be genuine and praise specific behaviors. “Good Job!” is not nearly as encouraging as, “I noticed you kept trying even when that problem seemed impossible earlier. I’m proud of you for using your courage to stick to it and finish the assignment!”