In the heat of a volcanic eruption, your goal is Damage Control. Once an outburst begins, it is usually too late to completely restore law and order, as your child has reached her breaking point and is communicating this quite clearly.  My suggestion for surviving this traumatic moment is to:  1) STAY CALM, 2) SHOW EMPATHY, and 3) FINISH YOUR SHOPPING (though quicken your pace).  First, if you do not lose your cool, drive-by shoppers will be less interested in watching you.  Second, admit to your child that this is boring, and praise her for her patience so far. Try to soothe her in a productive way. Is there a healthy snack you can give her to curb her hungries? “I bet you are hungry.  It’s past snack time.  Would you like some Cheerios or some GoldFish crackers right now?” (CAUTION: Do NOT fall into the trap of offering a bribe. Promising to buy a candy bar or toy if your child quiets down will open Pandora’s Box of Manipulative Battles for shopping trips to come!!!)  However, another safe response is to distract your little trooper by talking about the fun you will have together when you get home. 

Lastly, if these tactics do not work and the howling continues, simply finish your shopping as quickly as possible and be prepared for a possibly loud ride home.  Chances are, you overdid the morning and that ought to motivate ya to prepare differently next time. (See tips for Meltown Prevention). The good news is, thunderous meltdowns are often followed by a priceless, peaceful nap! 

“GRUMPY!” I growled back with a snarly laugh, I was trying to appear not quite as mean as I was feeling. He was taken aback: What had Dr Jekyll done with Mr Hyde? Acting so out of character, I felt I had to explain, “I haven’t been in here for 5 days, and I NEED to sweat! Gonna go take it out on the treadmill.” From there I shoved my ipod buds into my ears, took a swig of water, and stomped off in a rush to squeeze in a short but “meaningful” workout.

While the treadmill began to move, I felt guilt rise in my chest. Do you ever feel “post-anger guilt?” Well, it hits me every time. And like usual, the guilt added to my frustration. Luckily my kids were not around, as this is where I sometimes parent out of Mommy Guilt (like after I’ve yelled at them for no good reason). Parenting outta Mommy Guilt is often regrettable because it can lead to overindugence, overpermissiveness,erratic emotions and inconsistency. So, like I said, I was thankful to be alone in my irrational pity party for the moment.

Time was ticking and my new running shoes were heating up with the track’s increasing speed. But the more I thought, the more confused I became. Why should I feel guilty for feeling angry? After all, I did NOT yell at my kids this time. I wasn’t even rude to the Gym Guy! AND yesterday was a very exciting and successful day. After officially launching my Tri Parenting E-Zine and this blog, both were met with wonderful reception! But WITH all that excitement, I’m thinking I should be floating on Cloud 9 today, right? The rediculousness in that question made me feel even more insane.

By the time my 30 minute workout was over, my grumps had sweated profusely onto my shirt. I atrributed my emotional hic-up to sugar overload, unrealistic expectations, and slothlike-ness for the last 5 days. I found peace and gratitude knowing my ugly mood had actually fueled one heck of a workout, and Mr Hyde left the gym smiling.

Gym Guy seemed relieved, too. “See you tomorrow? He asked with a smile.

“You bet!” I replied, “looking forward to it already.”

SUPPORT your child with the basics. 1. After school, offer a healthy (low-sugar, high- protein) snack for refueling. 2. Allow 20-30 minutes of individualized “unwind time” before hitting the books. This can look different for each child. While Julie may retreat to a quiet spot alone, Jake may race off to climb trees and wildly shout at neighbors. 3.Create a study environment that matches personal learning styles. For example, prop me up on a carpeted floor in a quite room, and I can study for hours. But my son focuses best at a well-lit desk with music playing in the background.

IDENTIFY the work to be tackled. Ask your child to read and explain each assignment to you. Are the directions clear? Did the necessary books and papers make it home? Does your child need help writing down and organizing assignments? A teacher conference may be just the remedy.

MOTIVATE “Feel free to (insert favorite after-school activity here) as soon as your homework is finished,” is a golden, empowering statement. And “I’ll be happy to discuss that after you do homework,” can prevent an impending argument.

PRIORITIZE Teach your child to prioritize multiple tasks by asking leading questions. “Would you like to tackle the hardest subject first or warm up with an easier one?” “This book report is too complicated to complete in one night. How can you break it down into smaller pieces?” Write down due dates and milestones as visual reminders.

LOVE your child always, but reject inappropriate behavior. If study frustrations lead to a flaring temper, show empathy while setting clear boundaries. “I can see how frustrated you are about that tough math problem. I’ll be glad to help you as soon as you lower your voice and sit back down.”

ENCOURAGE: Be genuine and praise specific behaviors. “Good Job!” is not nearly as encouraging as, “I noticed you kept trying even when that problem seemed impossible earlier. I’m proud of you for using your courage to stick to it and finish the assignment!”