In the heat of a volcanic eruption, your goal is Damage Control. Once an outburst begins, it is usually too late to completely restore law and order, as your child has reached her breaking point and is communicating this quite clearly.  My suggestion for surviving this traumatic moment is to:  1) STAY CALM, 2) SHOW EMPATHY, and 3) FINISH YOUR SHOPPING (though quicken your pace).  First, if you do not lose your cool, drive-by shoppers will be less interested in watching you.  Second, admit to your child that this is boring, and praise her for her patience so far. Try to soothe her in a productive way. Is there a healthy snack you can give her to curb her hungries? “I bet you are hungry.  It’s past snack time.  Would you like some Cheerios or some GoldFish crackers right now?” (CAUTION: Do NOT fall into the trap of offering a bribe. Promising to buy a candy bar or toy if your child quiets down will open Pandora’s Box of Manipulative Battles for shopping trips to come!!!)  However, another safe response is to distract your little trooper by talking about the fun you will have together when you get home. 

Lastly, if these tactics do not work and the howling continues, simply finish your shopping as quickly as possible and be prepared for a possibly loud ride home.  Chances are, you overdid the morning and that ought to motivate ya to prepare differently next time. (See tips for Meltown Prevention). The good news is, thunderous meltdowns are often followed by a priceless, peaceful nap! 

SUPPORT your child with the basics. 1. After school, offer a healthy (low-sugar, high- protein) snack for refueling. 2. Allow 20-30 minutes of individualized “unwind time” before hitting the books. This can look different for each child. While Julie may retreat to a quiet spot alone, Jake may race off to climb trees and wildly shout at neighbors. 3.Create a study environment that matches personal learning styles. For example, prop me up on a carpeted floor in a quite room, and I can study for hours. But my son focuses best at a well-lit desk with music playing in the background.

IDENTIFY the work to be tackled. Ask your child to read and explain each assignment to you. Are the directions clear? Did the necessary books and papers make it home? Does your child need help writing down and organizing assignments? A teacher conference may be just the remedy.

MOTIVATE “Feel free to (insert favorite after-school activity here) as soon as your homework is finished,” is a golden, empowering statement. And “I’ll be happy to discuss that after you do homework,” can prevent an impending argument.

PRIORITIZE Teach your child to prioritize multiple tasks by asking leading questions. “Would you like to tackle the hardest subject first or warm up with an easier one?” “This book report is too complicated to complete in one night. How can you break it down into smaller pieces?” Write down due dates and milestones as visual reminders.

LOVE your child always, but reject inappropriate behavior. If study frustrations lead to a flaring temper, show empathy while setting clear boundaries. “I can see how frustrated you are about that tough math problem. I’ll be glad to help you as soon as you lower your voice and sit back down.”

ENCOURAGE: Be genuine and praise specific behaviors. “Good Job!” is not nearly as encouraging as, “I noticed you kept trying even when that problem seemed impossible earlier. I’m proud of you for using your courage to stick to it and finish the assignment!”