One warm, sunny day, I cheerfully set out to ride my bike with my local tri buddies. I was able to keep up with them for the first couple of miles, but when they whizzed by and left me in the dust, I secretly wished for upcoming traffic lights to turn red, just to help me close the gap and save face. “Someone PLEASE tell me this will get easier!” I cried out pathetically to the oncoming traffic. A faint but reassuring voice responded, “It will. I promise. Hang in there.”

Roads of momentary desperation are familiar to most athletes and to virtually every parent who performs athletic feats of toddler chasing, child discipline, multi-tasking, and sleep-deprived decision making. The trick is to not get stuck in the quicksand of the moment. Here are a few ways to drive on and finish strong.

Use your remaining energy to preserve your sanity. As difficult as it seems, if you can look past the ugliness of the present, the Finish Line will come into view. Stop, breathe, and focus on five positive things about your life, your child, or your journey, and use those blessings to improve your attitude about the present challenge.

Refresh your perspective. A child’s tornado-like tantrum can feel like the end of the world, but in the big picture, it’s really just a momentary blip on the radar. Have faith, it will pass. Take precautionary measures to reduce the fallout by keeping your cool and remembering that you are not alone. Temper tantrums are an inevitable test of parental fortitude. Use a life line and phone a friend for help!

Don’t underestimate the abilities of your child. For months you labor in vain to teach your child to use his manners, tie his shoes, stop whining or stop interrupting. Despite your relentless efforts, it seems he will never get it right, and you’re just about to give up when, WHAMO! He executes the moves flawlessly. (Cue the resounding chorus of HALELUIAs). Many times a child’s inability to master a certain concept is not due to hard headedness, but rather young brain development. Be patient and keep planting those seeds. And be on the lookout for another sprout of maturity!

As loving parents, we are driven to make life as wonderful for our kids as possible, often shielding them from the tough stuff life throws at us. Ironically, in order to grow rich character and wholesome joy, life’s manure is exactly what we need. So, here are a few ways to love our kids through the muck in order to produce an abundant harvest of joy.

Balance anticipation with disappointment: Sometimes daydreaming about an upcoming vacation can wind up being more exciting than the trip itself, especially when ugly surprises (like bad weather or illness) come along for the ride. Without raining on your own parade, help your family build contingency plans into upcoming events. Encourage everyone to weigh in with suggestions so that each person will be better prepared for the possibility of disappointment.

Put others first: It never fails. You excitedly bring home a mouthwatering pastry from the local bakery, unveil it to the drooling ooo’s and ahh’s of your two children, and tenderly announce that, due to it’s tremendous size, your kids will need to share it. After unappreciative moans erupt from the greedy onlookers, a fight breaks out over who gets to choose their piece first, quickly causing you to  regret bringing the darn thing home after all! Here is a recipe for peace and instant equality: ask one child to cut the pastry in half, and let the other child choose his piece first.

Do not get trapped in the Culture of Entitlement: When forced to face reality or partially fend for themselves, disappointment can be particularly shocking to the child who is accustomed to always getting their way or being rescued. When we (parents, teachers and caregivers) cater to a child’s every whim or struggle, we rob them of the chance to grow through the challenge. Instead of giving them what they demand, encourage them to give all they can give. Provide age-appropriate opportunities for them to do for themselves (make their own lunches, make their bed, have sports equipment ready for each game and practice). Teach them how to earn and save money for their wants, and show them the art of problem solving in tricky situations. Of course, use your parental judgement when it comes to keeping them out of real danger, but also be prepared to let go where you are able.

Rejoice in mistakes – they are the spinach of Popeye: Mistakes have a bad reputation. When reviewing graded tests and assignments, parents often zero in on the ones that were missed as the child sulks in embarrassment from across the table. Some children will even quit performing for fear of making mistakes (after all, you can’t get it wrong if you don’t even try). This, by the way, is the gateway to perfectionism- and I have never known a truly joyful perfectionist! Making mistakes is essential to learning, so show your child how mistakes build stronger muscles. Then give them the opportunity to correct their mistakes and demonstrate how they’ve grown.

Inventory the simple things and imagine life without them: It’s easy to take our “little” daily essentials for granted. Electricity, water, a cozy bed, a warm shower…when working, they’re easily overlooked.  But once they are unavailable, our appreciation grows immensely. To help your family learn to appreciate even the little stuff, try living like colonial pioneers for a weekend, support a needy family for Christmas or back to school time, sleep on the floor (without a blow up matress!), or just take time to give thanks for your blessings and encourage your family to imagine life without them.

For young girls (this book lays a foundation of Godly traits):  His Little Princess by Sheri Rose Shepherd. http://www.christianbook.com/his-little-princess-sheri-shepherd/9781590526019/pd/26016

For tweens and teens: For wonderful resources on modesty and purity, please visit:  http://www.purefreedom.org/ .  You’ll also be able to check out Secret Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty by Dannah Gresh and LIES Young Women Believe: and the truth that sets them free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh while you’re there. 

(Special thanks to Susie C. and Clarice T. for your great recommendations!)

     While the perfect cure for Spring Fever has not yet been developed, methods to minimize its impact are listed below. 

      1.  Go outside. Once the sun (bright yellow ball in the sky that emits heat and light) starts shining, hit the door running. Add extra time for play outside and, if you can, take your work/homework outside to a picnic table or blanket on the lawn. 

      2.      Hold down the fort. Continue to set firm but loving boundaries and routines with your children; but recognize that it IS normal for everyone to feel a little burned-out and tired at this point. So pour on the love and talk candidly about what is going on.

      3.      Eat healthy. Take advantage of the sweet fruits and crisp, colorful veggies that are now in season. Keep minds sharp and bodies healthy with a combination of lean protein and nature’s vitamin-rich treats. Standardized testing and finals begin soon. Healthy diets and plenty of rest can help our kids fight stress and do their best on these rigorous tests. 

      4.      Tie up loose ends. We want to enter the summer with NO REGRETS. There is still time to share your concerns, questions, suggestions, and praises with teachers, administrators and children. Write a note, make a phone call or visit in person. Constructive feedback is worth its weight in gold. Also, use the information you got at Parent-Teacher conferences to help your child reassess achievable goals for the last quarter. Prioritize to keep goals realistic and manageable.

      5.    Focus on today and “…do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.”  Matthew 6:34. Better yet, celebrate each day by letting God surprise you with the incredible wonders of Spring.

      As I wrap up my typing, I see the sun peeking through my window. My ability to type is fading…my focus is clouding…ants are invading…I must…go……..outside!  Hope to see you there!    

SUPPORT your child with the basics. 1. After school, offer a healthy (low-sugar, high- protein) snack for refueling. 2. Allow 20-30 minutes of individualized “unwind time” before hitting the books. This can look different for each child. While Julie may retreat to a quiet spot alone, Jake may race off to climb trees and wildly shout at neighbors. 3.Create a study environment that matches personal learning styles. For example, prop me up on a carpeted floor in a quite room, and I can study for hours. But my son focuses best at a well-lit desk with music playing in the background.

IDENTIFY the work to be tackled. Ask your child to read and explain each assignment to you. Are the directions clear? Did the necessary books and papers make it home? Does your child need help writing down and organizing assignments? A teacher conference may be just the remedy.

MOTIVATE “Feel free to (insert favorite after-school activity here) as soon as your homework is finished,” is a golden, empowering statement. And “I’ll be happy to discuss that after you do homework,” can prevent an impending argument.

PRIORITIZE Teach your child to prioritize multiple tasks by asking leading questions. “Would you like to tackle the hardest subject first or warm up with an easier one?” “This book report is too complicated to complete in one night. How can you break it down into smaller pieces?” Write down due dates and milestones as visual reminders.

LOVE your child always, but reject inappropriate behavior. If study frustrations lead to a flaring temper, show empathy while setting clear boundaries. “I can see how frustrated you are about that tough math problem. I’ll be glad to help you as soon as you lower your voice and sit back down.”

ENCOURAGE: Be genuine and praise specific behaviors. “Good Job!” is not nearly as encouraging as, “I noticed you kept trying even when that problem seemed impossible earlier. I’m proud of you for using your courage to stick to it and finish the assignment!”

Just three years after the birth of Harrison, my second son, I felt a sudden desire, no, an overwhelming need, to compete in my first triathlon. I was never aware of this urge before, but at 37, the effects of mommy-hood were ruthlessly chipping away at my self-esteem. Drowning in doubt over my skills as a mom, failing to find the meaning of life in dirty diapers and laundry, and watching my body turn into an amorphous blob was more than I could take. I needed to prove myself in some other challenging, productive and exciting way. Together with a few of my closest girlfriends, we registered for the 2004 Danskin Triathlon in Austin, Texas.

Training for the race seemed, at times, as challenging as motherhood itself. But the experience taught me more about myself than I’d ever imagined. The most significant revelation actually led to my writing this blog.

DIVING IN: Here’s what happened. I was 1/2 way into an intense treadmill workout, sweating my babyfat off and feeling the rush of adrenalin, when I was struck by an “Endorphin Epiphany.” I suddenly recognized a striking similarity between triathlons and parenting. Good ole Webster defines Triathon (n.) as “an endurance race combining events in swimming, bicyling, and running.” Leave out any one of these events, and you no longer have a true triathlon. I think parenting is also made up of 3 essential parts: prayer, relationship and learning. Without faith, a healthy connection with your child, or the desire to continue learning, parenting becomes something much less than God designed it to be.

DIVING DEEPER: Breaking the definition down further, endurance can be defined as as the ability to stand pain and race as a competition. Excluding parents entranced with heavy doses of Valium, all would agree that parenting requires unending endurance. And if you consider the war between most parental values and the Hollywood values of mainstream society, it’s pretty clear that parenting has serious competition. In fact, I think parents compete on lots of levels. For example, on the inside, I’m sometimes tormented by by the struggle between my worth as a parent and self doubt. But there are tons of other examples (big and small) such as those of a dad struggling to put a shirt on his squirming infant OR a mom’s “No, you may not!” defended head-on by an emphatic “Just watch me!” Anyway you look at it, parenting just may be counted as the ultimate race.

I invite you register to join me in this race of Triathlon Parenting. It’s tons better to train, race and celebrate with a friend than to try to go it alone.