Just three years after the birth of Harrison, my second son, I felt a sudden desire, no, an overwhelming need, to compete in my first triathlon. I was never aware of this urge before, but at 37, the effects of mommy-hood were ruthlessly chipping away at my self-esteem. Drowning in doubt over my skills as a mom, failing to find the meaning of life in dirty diapers and laundry, and watching my body turn into an amorphous blob was more than I could take. I needed to prove myself in some other challenging, productive and exciting way. Together with a few of my closest girlfriends, we registered for the 2004 Danskin Triathlon in Austin, Texas.
Training for the race seemed, at times, as challenging as motherhood itself. But the experience taught me more about myself than I’d ever imagined. The most significant revelation actually led to my writing this blog.
DIVING IN: Here’s what happened. I was 1/2 way into an intense treadmill workout, sweating my babyfat off and feeling the rush of adrenalin, when I was struck by an “Endorphin Epiphany.” I suddenly recognized a striking similarity between triathlons and parenting. Good ole Webster defines Triathon (n.) as “an endurance race combining events in swimming, bicyling, and running.” Leave out any one of these events, and you no longer have a true triathlon. I think parenting is also made up of 3 essential parts: prayer, relationship and learning. Without faith, a healthy connection with your child, or the desire to continue learning, parenting becomes something much less than God designed it to be.
DIVING DEEPER: Breaking the definition down further, endurance can be defined as as the ability to stand pain and race as a competition. Excluding parents entranced with heavy doses of Valium, all would agree that parenting requires unending endurance. And if you consider the war between most parental values and the Hollywood values of mainstream society, it’s pretty clear that parenting has serious competition. In fact, I think parents compete on lots of levels. For example, on the inside, I’m sometimes tormented by by the struggle between my worth as a parent and self doubt. But there are tons of other examples (big and small) such as those of a dad struggling to put a shirt on his squirming infant OR a mom’s “No, you may not!” defended head-on by an emphatic “Just watch me!” Anyway you look at it, parenting just may be counted as the ultimate race.
I invite you register to join me in this race of Triathlon Parenting. It’s tons better to train, race and celebrate with a friend than to try to go it alone.
These are just a few of the wonderful books out there. If you know of others, please share their titles with the rest of us!
For young girls (this book lays a foundation of Godly traits): His Little Princess by Sheri Rose Shepherd. http://www.christianbook.com/his-little-princess-sheri-shepherd/9781590526019/pd/26016
For tweens and teens: For wonderful resources on modesty and purity, please visit: http://www.purefreedom.org/ . You’ll also be able to check out Secret Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty by Dannah Gresh and LIES Young Women Believe: and the truth that sets them free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh while you’re there.
(Special thanks to Susie C. and Clarice T. for your great recommendations!)
Here’s a sample of school-day routines we use in our home. When the boys were younger, they enjoyed checking off each item as it was completed.
Morning Routine
o Wake up
o Make bed
o Get dressed
o Eat Breakfast
o Put lunch into lunch box
o Wash face
o Brush teeth
o Play until we leave for school
Evening Routine
o Clothes out and ready for tomorrow
o Homework in backpack
o Backpack and jacket next to door
o Brush teeth
o Floss
o Read in bed until tuck-in
Oven BBQ Chicken
Make the night before and cook 1 hour before serving.
Your favorite chicken pieces (2 chicken’s worth)
1 (8 oz) can tomato sauce
½ cup worchestershire sauce
½ cup melted margarine
1 cup ketchup
4 TBS vinegar
1 tsp red pepper sauce
2 tsp mustard
1 tsp chili powder
2 TBS brown sugar
½ tsp pepper
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place chicken in 13X9 baking dish. Mix all other ingredients and pour sauce over chicken. Cook uncovered for 1 hour. Deliciously messy! Don’t forget the napkins!
Forget About it Oven Bake
2 (10 ¾ oz) cans cream of mushroom soup
1 can water
1 (1.25 oz) package dry onion soup mix
2 pounds stew meat
½ pint low fat sour cream
Egg noodles or rice
Place stew meat in a baking dish. Combine soups and water and pour over stew meat. Cover tightly and bake at 275 degrees for 6-8 hours. Stir in sour cream and heat through. Serve over noodles or rice.
Breakfast for Anytime Casserole
1 lb pork or turkey sausage (mildly spicy), cooked and drained
10 slices of whole grain bread, buttered
1 ½ cups shredded Cheddar or Colby Jack cheese
6 beaten eggs
2 cups ½ and ½ (non-fat is OK)
1 tsp salt
½ tsp pepper
Form 2 layers of buttered bread slices in 9X 13 baking dish. Top with cooked sausage, then cheese. In a bowl, stir together ½ and ½, eggs and salt and pepper, then pour over layers. Cover casserole and chill in fridge overnight. 15 minutes before baking, remove from fridge and preheat oven to 350 degrees. Bake uncovered for 30-45 minutes, until center is set. Cut into squares for serving.
Looking for articles previously published in TRI-PARENTING E-zine?
Just click on the tab above (“TRI-PARENTING E-ZINE Archives”) and read away!
For Moms: She’s Gonna Blow! Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger by Julie Ann Barnhill (Harvest House Publishers)
For Kids 4-6: Mad Maddie Maxwell by Stacie K.B. Maslyn (from ZonderKids)
Shopping with a curious toddler or squirmy preschooler can actually be fun. But, as you well know, it can also become a nightmare. PREVENTION is the key, and we will talk about that later. But for now, let’s assume the meltdown is already in full swing, and you need tools NOW!
In the heat of a volcanic eruption, your goal is Damage Control. Once an outburst begins, it is usually too late to completely restore law and order, as your child has reached her breaking point and is communicating this quite clearly. My suggestion for surviving this traumatic moment is to: 1) STAY CALM, 2) SHOW EMPATHY, and 3) FINISH YOUR SHOPPING (though quicken your pace). First, if you do not lose your cool, drive-by shoppers will be less interested in watching you. Second, admit to your child that this is boring, and praise her for her patience so far. Try to soothe her in a productive way. Is there a healthy snack you can give her to curb her hungries? “I bet you are hungry. It’s past snack time. Would you like some Cheerios or some GoldFish crackers right now?” (CAUTION: Do NOT fall into the trap of offering a bribe. Promising to buy a candy bar or toy if your child quiets down will open Pandora’s Box of Manipulative Battles for shopping trips to come!!!) However, another safe response is to distract your little trooper by talking about the fun you will have together when you get home.
Lastly, if these tactics do not work and the howling continues, simply finish your shopping as quickly as possible and be prepared for a possibly loud ride home. Chances are, you overdid the morning and that ought to motivate ya to prepare differently next time. (See tips for Meltown Prevention). The good news is, thunderous meltdowns are often followed by a priceless, peaceful nap!
We are entering the home stretch of the 2008-2009 school year. And with just over a month to go, the first cases of Spring Fever have been reported. Spring Fever is often accompanied by “ants in the pants” syndrome; and can be identified by an increase in silliness, an insatiable desire to go outside, lack of concentration, and even bouts of irritability. Originally diagnosed only in children, it is now known that adults are just as susceptible to this wacky disease. Beware: If left untreated, Spring Fever can wreak havoc in the home and classroom alike.
While the perfect cure for Spring Fever has not yet been developed, methods to minimize its impact are listed below.
1. Go outside. Once the sun (bright yellow ball in the sky that emits heat and light) starts shining, hit the door running. Add extra time for play outside and, if you can, take your work/homework outside to a picnic table or blanket on the lawn.
2. Hold down the fort. Continue to set firm but loving boundaries and routines with your children; but recognize that it IS normal for everyone to feel a little burned-out and tired at this point. So pour on the love and talk candidly about what is going on.
3. Eat healthy. Take advantage of the sweet fruits and crisp, colorful veggies that are now in season. Keep minds sharp and bodies healthy with a combination of lean protein and nature’s vitamin-rich treats. Standardized testing and finals begin soon. Healthy diets and plenty of rest can help our kids fight stress and do their best on these rigorous tests.
4. Tie up loose ends. We want to enter the summer with NO REGRETS. There is still time to share your concerns, questions, suggestions, and praises with teachers, administrators and children. Write a note, make a phone call or visit in person. Constructive feedback is worth its weight in gold. Also, use the information you got at Parent-Teacher conferences to help your child reassess achievable goals for the last quarter. Prioritize to keep goals realistic and manageable.
5. Focus on today and “…do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.” Matthew 6:34. Better yet, celebrate each day by letting God surprise you with the incredible wonders of Spring.
As I wrap up my typing, I see the sun peeking through my window. My ability to type is fading…my focus is clouding…ants are invading…I must…go……..outside! Hope to see you there!
“GO TEAM!” I was born to be a cheerleader. Once I find a team or a cause to support, blood explodes through my veins, launching me into A-C-T-I-O-N! Next thing you know, the infectious enthusiasm touches fans around me. Smiles pop up on their faces and supportive cheers escape from their mouths. The fever spreads like electricity, and can energize all in its path. But what happens if the fever becomes destructive? What are the consequences of supporting “your” team by putting the other team down? I’m ashamed to admit it, but I can remember joining in to shoot insults at an opponent. Sometimes, the attacks seemed outright funny. But in hindsight, I knew they were mean. Which also made them wrong. In light of the presidential election, I discussed this difference with my sons. I asked them to imagine being on “The Purple Team” and hearing fans yell, “GO Purple!” Then I asked them to imagine the crowd chanting, ‘The Yellow Team stinks like rotten bananas!’ (Predictably, the boys began to chant too, triggering laughter among us). But when the chuckling subsided, I soberly asked, “How do you think the Yellow Team feels now?” OUCH! “And how do you think God feels about this?” Then, I reminded the boys that we are all on God’s Team. Through His Word, He coaches us to be kind and fair to each other. And no matter who wins the contest, Jesus will love every single one of us. The boys quickly got the point.
As football, soccer and election coverage fills the Fall air, emotionally charged opinions are heard on the fields, in homes, and on TV. Now is Prime Time to strike up a rich conversation with your kids. Help them identify examples of positive sportsmanship versus mean-spirited attacks. Teach them to empathize with both sides of the field. And ask them how they can be a Christ-like example to those around them while enthusiastically supporting their favorite team.
“How ya doin this morning?” the friendly man at the counter asked as I entered the gym early today.
“GRUMPY!” I growled back with a snarly laugh, I was trying to appear not quite as mean as I was feeling. He was taken aback: What had Dr Jekyll done with Mr Hyde? Acting so out of character, I felt I had to explain, “I haven’t been in here for 5 days, and I NEED to sweat! Gonna go take it out on the treadmill.” From there I shoved my ipod buds into my ears, took a swig of water, and stomped off in a rush to squeeze in a short but “meaningful” workout.
While the treadmill began to move, I felt guilt rise in my chest. Do you ever feel “post-anger guilt?” Well, it hits me every time. And like usual, the guilt added to my frustration. Luckily my kids were not around, as this is where I sometimes parent out of Mommy Guilt (like after I’ve yelled at them for no good reason). Parenting outta Mommy Guilt is often regrettable because it can lead to overindugence, overpermissiveness,erratic emotions and inconsistency. So, like I said, I was thankful to be alone in my irrational pity party for the moment.
Time was ticking and my new running shoes were heating up with the track’s increasing speed. But the more I thought, the more confused I became. Why should I feel guilty for feeling angry? After all, I did NOT yell at my kids this time. I wasn’t even rude to the Gym Guy! AND yesterday was a very exciting and successful day. After officially launching my Tri Parenting E-Zine and this blog, both were met with wonderful reception! But WITH all that excitement, I’m thinking I should be floating on Cloud 9 today, right? The rediculousness in that question made me feel even more insane.
By the time my 30 minute workout was over, my grumps had sweated profusely onto my shirt. I atrributed my emotional hic-up to sugar overload, unrealistic expectations, and slothlike-ness for the last 5 days. I found peace and gratitude knowing my ugly mood had actually fueled one heck of a workout, and Mr Hyde left the gym smiling.
Gym Guy seemed relieved, too. “See you tomorrow? He asked with a smile.
“You bet!” I replied, “looking forward to it already.”
When it comes right down to it, parenting is ALL about relationship!!! Creating and maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with our kids is essential to being an effective parent. We can look at how God parents us as our ideal parenting example. Our Heavenly Father sets boundaries and rules for us while allowing us free will to grow and develop. He is neither too strict, nor is He too permissive. When we (as adults) make mistakes or bad choices, our Heavenly Father never ceases to love us as He ALLOWS the natural consequences of our actions to teach us even the most painful lessons. This is how we grow, mature and become responsible people.
Likewise, when we show our children unconditional love and empathy while allowing them to make age-appropriate mistakes and face age-appropriate consequences, the consequences become the piece they fear…not the Wrath of Mommy or Dad. If they learn to fear US, they will be tempted to avoid us, sneak around us, and rebel against words. that’s really not what we intend, is it?
The Bible is there to put us on the right course. For starters, pray each day for God to fill you with the <em>fruits of the spirit</em> (Galatians 5:29) so that you can be a disciple to your child. And memorize a few encouraging Bible verses (like John 15:7-8, Ephesians 4:29, and 1 Thessalonians 5:16). Try to say them out loud when you hit an ugly spot in your day. Or, for visual learners (like me) write them on sticky notes and stick them to your bathroom mirror. When you are able to escape for a few moments of alone time, those encouraging words will be right there to greet you.
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